Steve
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Emotional Intelligence for Non-Managers
Someone told me recently, “I don’t want to go into management, because I’m not good at dealing with people problems.” Becoming a manager is a complete career change, so I’m not about to pressure anyone into management. But I do encourage people to explore that self-limiting identity that says, “I’m not good at dealing with…
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Say “no” to the wrong promotion
Twice in my career, I surprised my senior leaders by declining very direct offers for promotions. Did I want more respect? more status? more income? Sure, I did! But I wanted something else even more. And maybe you do, too. In one case, accepting the promotion would have meant moving to a different state. And…
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Embrace ideological conflict
“Hey, let’s take this conversation offline,” you say. Sometimes, that means, “This sounds like an interpersonal problem that you two (or we two) need to resolve separately.” Sometimes it means, “That challenge only affects your teams, so solve it yourself without taking up time for the rest of us.” And sometimes it means, “This conversation…
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What detail should I give to senior leaders?
An I.T. Director shared with me recently that they’ve been halted in meetings with senior leaders because they’re explaining too many details that don’t matter to the person they’re talking to. And even if you’re not being actively silenced, you may be hurting your influence when your listeners find your talking points irrelevant to them.…
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“Why won’t they just listen to me?”
Years ago, I sat terrified next to my wife, facing my pastor sitting at his desk. The day before, one of my kids had grown so frustrated with a moment of correction that they had threatened some pretty serious self-harm. Something in my parenting approach was obviously not working. And through that experience, I learned…
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“When should I hire a professional coach?”
At a local meetup, a software engineering manager asked me how he would know when it was time to have a professional coach. My first answer wasn’t what he was expecting. “Nobody needs a coach.” I told him. And that’s true. But here’s what’s also true. Everyone can benefit from a coach. I even talked…
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To lead, break these five silences.
Many technology specialists are tempted to stay silent when speaking up is better for their career and their company. Here are a few examples to watch for: ➡️ Before an in-person meeting starts. As uncomfortable as many of us are with small talk; it’s the foundation of interpersonal relationships. Even a simple, “How has your…
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When layoffs are coming, how do you prepare?
A software engineer asked me recently how to prepare for a rumored layoff. How do you minimize your risk of being let go? How do you maximize your chance of finding a great fit for a new job if you are laid off? 1️⃣ Budget your energy. Starting now to work harder and longer on…
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You can win with bad news.
Of course you don’t like delivering bad news. But whether it’s sharing bad personal or team results with your company, or sharing bad company results with your team, when you’re a leader, it’s an unpleasant task that often falls on your shoulders. Here are some ways to get some positive out of negative news: 💡…
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Cellphones make us dumber
Ever feel like your work life and your family life compete with each other? Want a tip that will help you earn points with your family and your company at the same time? Here it is: Stop randomly checking your phone. And when you can, leave it in a different room. A study published in…
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When the habit tracker doesn’t work
James Clear’s book Atomic Habits has been a tremendous help to me and several people I know. But sometimes, there are things you know you need to do, and you just can’t make a habit out of them. 🟣 Maybe you can’t find the right cue to trigger them🟣 Maybe they need to happen most…
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Being good doesn’t make you promotable
A software engineering manager recently asked me, “What’s the difference between being a good manager and being a manager who is promotable?” It’s a powerful, insightful question because it reflects the fact that the best performer is not always the best candidate for the next level of leadership. Delivering positive results is certainly necessary, but…