How can I make it worse?

Many times over my leadership career, I struggled with misaligned incentives. Development teams were rewarded for publishing new features rapidly, while IT operations teams were rewarded for uptime and stability. Leaders who were too busy to participate in long-running strategic discussions felt ignored when decisions were made without their input. Team leaders would debate fiercely over which of their respective subsystems must bear the responsibility to abstract real-world complexity so the other teams could enjoy the illusion of simplicity.

Heated arguments bruised people’s egos. Soured relationships tainted future discussions.

When you find yourself in that kind of an environment, making meaningful progress is grueling – not just logistically, but also emotionally. We’re all responsible for our own feelings, so it seems logical that there’s nothing you can do to change anyone else’s emotions.

But here’s a trick, adapted from something Zig Ziglar used to do.

He would often open up his speeches with a question. He would say something like, “Raise your hand if you believe there is something you could specifically do in the next seven days to make your life worse.”

Let me invite you to ask the same question about your situation at work. Think about any animosity that exists between you or your team and the other leaders and their teams.

What could you do to make things worse?

Now, empowered by some of those concrete ideas, imagine yourself in the other person’s shoes. What very real pains or fears would they experience if you were to do those things?

Acknowledging those fears and pains can help you achieve the empathy you need to make a difference. Brainstorm what actions or lingering conditions may currently be triggering those same fears and pains. Consider what changes you could make to address them. Or at least think about how you might acknowledge those conditions to blunt the sting of future conversations.

And if you’d like help thinking through your specific situation, let’s talk. Visit stevedwire.com/talk to start the conversation.