Someone recently asked in an online community whether someone’s refusal to lie – even by omission – could hinder their ability to succeed as a manager.
The wording of the question rattled me. I’m a firm believer in truth and authenticity. In a coaching exercise to help me uncover my personal core values, the two overarching themes that encompassed my entire collection of values were “beauty” and “integrity.” Any suggestion that lying is somehow a virtue? Well, that will get my attention.
As I followed the discussion thread online, I learned more about the issue. The manager agreed that they had done or said something that someone else had found hurtful. They agreed that an apology would help repair the relationship. But they also said that to apologize for their behavior would not be true to who they were. So they resisted.
In his classic book, “What Got You Here Won’t Get You There,” Marshall Goldsmith highlights what he calls, “Twenty Habits That Hold You Back from the Top.” Habit #20 is labeled “An excessive need to be ‘me.’”
Under the banner of “authenticity,” we can be tempted to excuse traits, tendencies, and behaviors that are observably problematic. “That’s just who I am,” we say. We can become so attached to that part of our identity that to behave any other way feels false, phony, and hypocritical. We can imagine that behaving differently would violate our integrity.
But authenticity and integrity do not demand that we never change.
When our actions trigger unwelcome results – and especially when they are hurtful to others – we have the opportunity to learn from the feedback. We can become a different kind of person who authentically behaves differently.
That kind of internal change doesn’t come easily. And it’s the kind of internal change that I help my clients to achieve.
If “being you” isn’t getting you the results you’re looking for, you can become a different person. Next year can be different. If that’s the kind of change you’d like, let’s talk. There’s no charge, no obligation, and no expectation that you’ll become a client. Visit https://stevedwire.com/talk to schedule a complimentary conversation.
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