My kids are all in their twenties, but there are still a few very silly things from their childhood that we repeat when we’re together.
Just last week, as I was leaving our house for a meeting, I formed the American Sign Language gesture for “I love you” and waved to my son who was in our living room at the time. I said “I love you and goodbye out the window” as I stepped into our garage, even though there was no window between us. That was my reflection of how they used to call out to me almost twenty years ago when they were young and I would leave to go to work.
Another recurring inside joke comes from a time we participated as a family in a Christmas musical, Two From Galilee. One of the songs that involved the entire chorus was entitled, “What are you waiting for, Joseph?” This fictional account had Joseph’s parents prodding him to declare his interest in Mary. To this day, when someone in our family hears someone ask the question, “What are you waiting for?” the answer is always, “Joseph.”
These inside jokes remind us of shared positive experiences. They help to cement the bond we have together as a family.
You can use similar strategies to strengthen the bonds you have in your work teams as well. But there are a few caveats to make them effective.
1️⃣ Make sure the humor you’re recalling isn’t at anyone’s expense. If there’s even a remote chance, don’t risk it, even if they say they don’t mind. People may deny being hurt in order to fit in, but repeating the joke may still be hurtful.
2️⃣ Make sure people understand the reference. Just because you find something funny doesn’t mean others will make the same connection you did. If the joke doesn’t land, don’t try to explain it; just drop it.
3️⃣ Make sure everyone involved is on the inside. As your team grows, you’ll have people who weren’t part of the original event. The same inside joke that gives a sense of belonging to your old team can suddenly become a point of exclusion to your newcomers, and it’s time to let the joke go.
So yes, look for opportunities to celebrate the memories of shared positive experiences, and also know when to let them drop.
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