Have you seen some of those recent TikTok “tests” to give a boyfriend or girlfriend to make sure he or she is “the one” for you? If they don’t peel the orange or clean up the ketchup or respond with enthusiasm to a bird call, then they fail.
Those tests may be great for creating viral videos, but they’re a rather foolish way to judge a relationship.
And while those tests may be on the extreme side, the fact that people do, in fact, conduct those tests and somehow assign meaning to the results and share them suggests something about us humans.
We do have a tendency to judge people for how well they live up to our unspoken expectations.
👉 Don’t text me unless it’s urgent.
👉 Always text me before you call me.
👉 Don’t send bad news via email; call me and tell me personally.
👉 If you want something from me, ask me directly for what you want before you explain why you need it.
Maybe those statements perfectly describe your expectations, or maybe you’re just the opposite.
Either way, when those expectations go without saying, people will disappoint you without even knowing it.
To help avoiding that conflict, consider writing a personal README file, also known as a “How to work with me” document, where you write down how people can work with you most effectively. Regardless of whether other people read it, the awareness you’ll get about yourself in the process of writing it can help you notice the unspoken expectations that often trigger your own frustration. And once you see them for yourself, you start to see the areas where you can either extend grace, correct specific expectations that have been broken, or both.
If you’d like help discovering your silent expectations, let’s talk. Visit https://stevedwire.com/connect for a complimentary conversation.
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